My Story
Spirit Speaks
I feel and converse with the Spirit World. It is a Spiritual gift I’ve always had like my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother Jenny before me. I grew up feeling watched, like I lived in a haunted house. I changed in my own bedroom like I was in the girls locker room at school, never feeling really alone. These experiences were overwhelming when I lived alone for a few months in college. The spirit world was SO much noisier when no one else was around!! I would try to drown it out by turning on every light, the tv, and even the radio too sometimes! It became so unsettling I moved back in with roommates and found peace and quiet was restored! :)
When my paternal Grandfather died in the summer of 2000 I was working in Island Park, ID for the summer. His spirit came to me that night, woke me up from sleeping, and told me he was leaving and wanted to say goodbye. While it seemed so obvious to me at the time that he would want to say goodbye, I missed the fact that not every other member of my family had had the same experience.
I auditioned to be a young performing missionary in Nauvoo in early 2002. I never struggled to memorize a monologue but this time it just wouldn’t stick! Alone in my apartment of 6 students, I asked for help to get prepared for this audition! Five or Six ancestors with Giant Smiles showed up!!!
Oh wow! Thanks you guys!!!
I had my monologue memorized in 5 minutes! I went to bed feeling so happy and prepared! The next day at auditions I wasn’t even called back to recite that monologue. Feeling so defeated and wondering how in the world my “talents and abilities would be special to me as I fulfill my mission” would come to pass if I didn’t serve as a performing missionary?!?! Those were my talents and abilities weren’t they?!?!?!
Oh the irony I see now!
The ancestors told me that I didn’t need to live in Nauvoo to learn about them, that they were with me whenever I needed and I could learn about them anytime. I didn’t understand but I was grateful they didn’t see me as a failure. The next day we sang “God be with you til we meet again” as the closing hymn for sacrament meeting at church. As we sang they said their goodbyes and left my awareness.
Now I understand that the talents and abilities my patriarchal blessing was speaking of were not singing and acting! They were the gift of mediumship and being a bridge between the physical and the spiritual worlds.
In the spring of 2012 my maternal grandmother was ready to graduate this life. With two young children in the car I debated driving from Utah to California where she lived to see her and say goodbye in person. I wrestled with the amount of work it would be to make the trip alone with my babies and ultimately decided it was more than I could manage at the time. Sad and grieving I turned my car for home. My grandma, even though her body was still breathing, her spirit showed up in my car! She asked me “Jenny, will you let me go?” Sobbing now I told her “Of course I will let you go! I just really wanted to see you and say goodbye in person and let you know how much I love you and how grateful I am for you and the many roles you’ve played in my life. I just really wanted to tell you that before you left.” She smiled and Thanked me and told me how much she loved me as well and then she was off! Her body stopped breathing early the next morning.
When pregnant with my fourth child I had the honor and privilege of taking care of my then 99 year old paternal grandmother. One particular night my grandfather was at my side in spirit singing “You are so beautiful to me” to my grandmother as I helped bathe and dress her.
I shared this with my younger brother who stopped me and said “Jenny, I don’t think what you experience everyone experiences. I think you have a gift. Maybe you need to develop this gift”.
Stunned.
Develop this gift?? How do you even do that??
Its one thing to have the spirit world come knock on your door in the form of loved ones and ancestors, its a whole other enchilada to open the door to the spirit world and go wandering around in there!
What I’ve learned
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Now 10 years later with so many highs and lows behind me I’ve learned that the spirit world isn’t all hearts and stars and rainbows. Everything exists there.
Everything.
It is a place of infinite possibility where all dreams may come true! Sometimes we dream our worst nightmares into reality too.
I’ve learned that our thoughts are not our own. Every thought you have does not arise from your soul. It’s like the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen when you watch the news. And it seems to me that most anyone or anything can and will write messages that flash across your mind. Which to dismiss and which to grab onto is an integral part of developing discernment and expanding awareness.
I’ve learned that ancestral healing is real. We can and do change the minds and hearts of our ancestors as we learn, grow, and make decisions that are maybe different than they would have. This process can be vague and general or laser pointed.
I’ve learned that our ancestors want to love, support, and speak to us!!! They would much rather speak to you directly than to speak through a medium. We can all learn how to converse with the spirit world. It was our original language after all.
I’ve learned how to navigate blindly in the dark. I’ve been on more personal journeys and vision quests than I can count. I know what spiritual truth smells like and I chase it’s origin whole-heartedly and bravely!
I’ve learned that the ultimate litmus test for the difference between Jesus and Lucifer is that Jesus will always empower you to make your own decisions whereas Lucifer will attempt to usurp your power and force you into black and white choices.
Jesus honors your freedom to choose and supports you to see all the options and make the best choice. He will walk with you through difficult and painful choices. There is aways a sense of his encouragement and gentle wisdom. He supports you to get back up time and time again. He offers lots of options and timelines and wants you to be ready for what you choose. His voice is loving, gentle, kind, encouraging, peaceful, grounded, and internally strengthening. Even if the situation is difficult or painful there is an undercurrent of peace and deep knowing when Jesus is foremost in your thoughts.
Lucifer on the other hand tells you what you MUST do. He removes choice or only offers the black and white options. He’ll tell you it HAS to be done a certain way, at a certain time, or everyone else has always done things this way and this is the only way something may be accomplished. His voice is force, control, manipulation, belittling, and othering. He is sneaky and sometimes dresses up as Jesus or mimics the voice of God in your mind and heart. He can use your beliefs and preconceived notions about God, that may or may not be true, to deceive you.
I’ve experienced such deception. The first time I saw who I thought was Jesus take off his “Jesus suit” and I realized that underneath it was Lucifer, I was stunned.
I had been so sure that Jesus was really trying to pin me down into an either/or choice! But neither choice made sense nor felt peaceful!! It was a horrible game of ‘would you rather’ that felt necessary, pressing, and real. I had fallen for his forceful tactics and in meditation later in life I was shown the pain and sorrow that had unfolded from choosing to believe him.
That’s when Lucifer revealed himself to me. Only by sorting through the experience and realizing the lack of peace and truth was I able to see clearly the source of my pain.
Where I am now
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I smell and taste the fruit of everything spiritual now. Every thought, every word, every feeling, every idea….does this empower and enlighten? Does this enslave and ensnare? The refinement of my Discernment is something I am So Grateful for!!! It is the best gift I have to offer my spirit family, whether in a body or not.
My hope is to help you connect more deeply to your soul. To learn to trust it and to develop a relationship with our Divine family: Mother, Father, Brother, and Sister. To know you are never alone and you always have more options than you think!!!
From this place you can consciously co-create your dreams and learn to navigate in the darkness with your own spirit-team of guides, angels, ancestors, and guardians.
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We are all SO Loved! More than we can feel or understand at present. Love surrounds us every moment, in all things. Let’s co-create a world of Love, Peace, Balance, Harmony, Bliss, and JOY together!
I know it’s possible.
It’s where we came from.
It’s our home, our natural state of being-ness.
Heaven CAN be a place on Earth.
Just like cute Janene Brady wrote in her songs for ‘Joy School’…..”Oh boy, I’ve got Joy, I do, Do you? It starts in my heart, and spreads to my head in a minute or two! And did you know it can grow on my toes? And keep my knees so they don’t freeze! I feel so neat from my head to my feet, when I’ve got Joy!”
I’ve got Joy and I want to Share it!
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I want it to overflow from my heart into every thought, word, action, and interaction that I have.
Ultimately, I am wanting to build Zion, or a “Community of Unity”, in my heart, in my home, in my local community, and hopefully globally with my whole spirit family!
If your arrow is pointed there as well, Let’s be friends!!!
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What I have to offer
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If you need help exploring what your arrows are and how to point them,
I got you.
If you need spiritual tools to navigate the darkness you find yourself turned around and upside-down in,
I got you.
If you need a safe place to land for a minute to recalibrate and regain your strength before making new choices,
I got you.
If you need a witness of all the amazing goodness in your heart trying to find its aligned ‘best life’,
I got you.
If you need a reboot and a reconnection to the Love of your Divine family,
I got you.
If you need a reminder of God’s loving voice,
I got you.
If you feel a wiggle of something inside and don’t know what to make of it,
I got you!
Exploring the spirit world is my jam! It lights me up and fills me with Joy like nothing else. I think I understand what Jesus meant when he said to Lucifer that he has “food you know not of”. It is deeply nourishing on a soul level to live in your purpose and to commune with our spiritual family. Literally FOOD for the Soul!
I hope to share the fruits of my journeys if they may be beneficial to you! And to sit down together at the feast prepared for us by our Heavenly Parents. In the midst of affliction, my table is, has, and always will be spread by them. I love them, I know them, I trust them, and I want to share that Joy with you!
To all the teachers I’ve had along the way thus far, Thank you. Thank you for the small and big ways you have influenced me and shaped my experience and understanding here.
If the bridge has been burned between us, I am sorry for my part in that. Please know I’m sorting through the rubble again and again to pull out all the lessons I can from the loss.
I love you and I am grateful for the gift of the lessons I’ve gained. I learn from them and will do all I can to not repeat those same mistakes and to support others if they make them or help them avoid them altogether if that would be for their highest good.
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I’m not a perfect person, I’m not a guru or even a teacher.
I’m a sister, a friend, a witness, a wisdom keeper, and just a somebody who does something sometimes! :)
My heart is full of Love, my head is full of Wisdom, and my sights are set on Zion, internally and externally.
Let’s build Heaven on Earth together. One heart, one connection, one feather at a time.
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